Family Values- The Map to Family Life
What are your Family Values?
Family Values create the map for your life; they are your north star. A life aligned with your values is a good life. A life misaligned with your values will always feel sticky and you will be regularly triggered.
Depending on the age of your kids you could do this as a whole family exercise.
This then becomes a tool for every decision you make.
Example: You value adventure, simplicity and nature. So you are unlikely to want to go on a cruise holiday. But if you valued ease, luxury and entertainment you might.
Example: You value freedom, rest and balance so you are unlikely to fill your weekends with extra curricular activities or tutoring. But if you valued hard work, practice and academic excellence you might.
Contradicting Values
Of course sometimes values can contradict each other. You might value freedom and responsibility which then might make you triggered. You want your children to be free and have lots of downtime but you also want them to help around the house and do chores. Its possible to make both of these things work but you might need to chunk things out for example perhaps the kids help a lot more on the weekends and don’t do a lot afterschool.
You and your partner (if you have one) undoubtedly have different values
Whilst dating is value swapping, most people did not share what their values are around raising kids before they had them.
For example one partner might value treats and spontaneity and buy icecreams and toys for the kids whilst the other might value environmental sustainability, patience and grit in the sense that you should work hard to receive things rather than just get them for free. Of course this will create conflict but again there are ways to chunk this out. For example perhaps environmental sustainability, patience and grit are the norm for most of the time but when you are on holiday treats and spontaneity are the guiding principles.
Values can Aid in the Writing of a Mission Statement/s
These are the guiding principles of your family here are some examples for different types of families:
We are an adventurous family who solves problems
We are a determined family who finishes things
We are a kind family who cares for others
We are an aware family who are good citizens of the earth
Where Values Can be Tricky
Your kid may not be able to meet your value because:
They are too little and not developmentally able to
They don’t understand the value
They are a teenager and developing their own values (developmentally normal process) which differ from yours
Next time you are triggered ask:
What value feels under threat?
Is the other person meaning to threaten this value/ are they aware of the value?
Is the other person capable of meeting the value?
Are your own values coming into conflict with each other?
What are your family values?
Here are some words to get you started.
Try to narrow it down to your top 5.
Emily Hughes
Hi I’m Emily I am a Conscious Parenting Coach. Have a look at Coaching or Parenting Courses with me.
