Why Some Children Scream at Mealtimes and How You Can Help
My 4 year old son can be very confusing when it comes to food, he likes to eat raw basil, raw cabbage and whole red peppers (… I think in a past life he may have been a rabbit) but then sometimes he can have a very strong reaction to being presented with a meal, as in crying, shouting, screaming.
Emily Hughes Empowered Parent Coach
I am an Empowered Parenting Coach, I help parents who are struggling, to understand themselves and their kids better; essentially so they can have a nicer life! Because, if you are living in conflict and struggle with your kids then that’s a life less rich. Contact me today to see how parent coaching could work for you.
Food is one of my “tender wounds” something I have found hard in parenting because my older child has allergies and was underweight as a baby (dietitian visits etc). It’s definitely something I have been too pressured with but I try hard to coach myself through mealtimes when I’m triggered and not be reactive.
Dal is a meal that we eat regularly at home so when we went to our local curry house and ordered it I didn’t predict an issue. The food came is a cute little kiddy portion in little thali pots… que complete melt down from my son. Rather than reacting I decided to get curious. What was going on? And since reading the wonderful Brain Body Parenting by Mona De La Hook I decided to get curious about his felt sense of safety. There was a bit of coriander on the Dal and some crispy onion bits on the rice. After I had held him for a bit outside the restaurant to co-regulate this is the conversation we had:
Me- “Does it not feel safe because it looks different to how I make it at home”
G- “Yes”
Me- “Is it because it has bits on the top and you are feeling scared”
G-“Yes”
Me- “Did it make you scared that there might be things hiding in it that you can’t see”
G- “Yes it’s got stuff on it”
Me-“Would you be willing for me to make the meal look really safe we can spread it out on your plate so you can see there is nothing hiding in it and we can take the bits off the top?”
G- “Maybe”
We went back inside and spread it out and hey presto meal eaten. Since this experience I have been spreading a lot of his food like curry/ stir fries out on his plate so he can see exactly whats in them. I can’t pinpoint the exact cause of these fears that there is something hiding in his food but I can get curious about the feeling “fear” and the need; “safety”
Food can be such a a tricky issue for parents and if you would like some support managing your emotions and reactivity at meal times please get in touch to see how parent coaching could support you.