Narcissistic Parenting in a nutshell is parenting that prioritises how things look, how successful the family appears to be and how that reflects well on the parent.

What is lost in narcissistic parenting is intimate, soulful connection and acceptance of who your children truly are.

The child then has to figure this out as an adult and make the journey back to themselves normally through a lot of angst and perhaps lots of time and money on therapy. 

But what if our kids never had to leave themselves? What if, instead they could grow up deeply grounded in their own sense of self, knowing that they are deeply accepted just as they are. This is the journey of the Conscious Parent.

You don't have to be brought up by a full blown narcissist to have experienced narcissistic parenting. Lots of 20th century parenting was unknowingly narcissistic. 

The christmas letter painting a vision of family life that’s far from the truth, the family photo of everyone looking pristine hiding a lot of family dysfunction and disconnection, your parents shutting down your emotions if it were to make them look bad, manipulation and control.

You are probably also immersed in images of narcissistic parenting on Instagram. Accounts that present perfect images of beige, tidy household's with fashion kids. If you follow accounts like these, are they serving you or are they perpetuating narcissistic tics in you?

Expecting children to behave all the time to be "good" and discouraging big emotions can all be thought of as Narcissistic. They are more about presenting an image than accepting what is.

Because the truth is our kids are not here to make us look good. They are not here to soothe our egos or make us feel good about ourselves by how sweet they are, how many trophies or certificates they have won, how creative they are or how pretty or cute they are. 

Our kids are here to live their life in the truest authenticity of who they are with our guidance. We are not the puppeteer or sculptor of their lives but the Sherpa guiding them on a path which aligns with who they are not who we hope they might be.

What is lost in the parent who is parenting narcissistically is the ability to ever fully relax and feel good enough. 

Deconditioning yourself from narcissistic parenting is liberating because when you start dismantling all the narcissistic tics that you have internalised you also start to dismantle shame. Narcissism is deeply rooted in shame. Presenting an image that everything is perfect can be thought of as shame buffering.

What is a Narcissistic Tic?

Narcissistic tics are behaviors or thought processes that people develop by being around narcissistic Parents/ living in a narcissistic culture.

7 Signs of Narcissistic Parenting

1) The Child Boosts The Parents Ego

A parent with narcissistic tics engineers situations to ensure that their child’s achievements or cuteness boosts their ego and it becomes more about the parent feeling good about themselves than it is about the child. They see their child as a source of validation i.e. if their child is achieving highly that then must mean that they are achieving highly.

2) Curating an Image of Effortless Perfection

Heavy social media use. Curated images that look like they have been effortless/ natural presenting that the parent is effortlessly thriving. Narcissism is all about feeling superiority. Vulnerability is terrifying.

3) Low Emotional Intelligence and Lacking in Empathy

The parent is easily triggered, but can’t handle their own child's emotions. This is because narcissism is at its core very low emotional intelligence and emotions are likely to be shameful to a parent with narcissistic tendencies.

4) The Image of The Family Comes above The Needs of the Family

A narcissistic parent is constantly curating a family image to the world. This might be through overscheduling children and sharing the child’s many achievements.

5) Poor Boundaries

Prioritised by their own needs, the narcissistic parent might violate boundaries such as privacy, not asking permission/ consent from the child.

6) Never apologising or taking responsibility

Taking responsibility and apologising take huge emotional maturity. Narcissistic parenting puts blame on others to avoid feeling personal vulnerability

7) Always Having to be Right

To be wrong and to allow others to be right requires emotional maturity, courage and strength. Narcissism is protection from vulnerability.

Conscious Parenting is the Antidote to Narcissistic Parenting

Conscious parenting involves all the things those with narcissist tendencies struggles to do due to their low emotional intelligence. If you recognise narcissistic traits in yourself or were brought up be a narcissist Conscious Parent Coaching can be a transformative journey.

Parenting is the ultimate portal for personal growth.

In Conscious Parenting parents find confidence and freedom through all the things narcissistic parents find hard.

• Introspect and understand themselves more fully raising their emotional intelligence

• Take responsibility for their part in any family dysfunction

• Accept their child completely for the full authenticity of who they are without wanting to change them or fix them (guide yes but mould no)

• Set peaceful boundaries that take into account the needs of the whole family