Christmas can be fun, exciting and joyful but it can also be really over stimulating for sensitive kids. So much of the parent's reaction comes down to expectation. If we have the expectation that the children are going to be impecably behaved, joyful, and appreciative we can be setting ourselves up for a tricky festive season. If our expectations are not met we can be really triggered and the festive season can end up being a really stressful time.

**Emily Hughes Empowered Parent Coach**

I am an Empowered Parenting Coach, I help parents who are struggling, to understand themselves and their kids better; essentially so they can have a nicer life! Because, if you are living in conflict and struggle with your kids then that’s a life less rich. **Contact me today to see how parent coaching could work for you.**

Acceptance

Christmas can be a lot for some children. Getting new toys, having lots of people in the house, change in routine can be exciting and fun but it can also be quite stressful for some kids. "Yes this is Christmas but this is also hard for my child this doesn't mean we are doing anything wrong it just is what it is". It’s when we try to fight the facts that we can end up in stress and conflict as parents. Parenting sensitive kids can be hard but it can also be beautiful.

Plan ahead

With this acceptance in mind we can show up differently this Christmas. We can plan in some low stimulation time which might look like taking your child out to a bedroom a few times a day for some 1:1 snuggle time/ reading a book/ drawing/ doing a puzzle. It might mean you help them during the Christmas meal, depending on their age they might sit on your lap, be allowed some wiggle breaks etc. You can share your realistic expectations with your child before the meal. When our expectations are mismatching to the outcome that we feel angry and frustrated in parenting. But if we set realistic expectations based on our knowledge of our child and their developmental stage we can remain more calm and collected.

Take Time for Your Regulation

If you know Christmas with your sensitive kid is going likely to be tricky you might unconsciously be bracing yourself for meltdowns. Tune into your body are you tensing your muscles, your jaw? If so, take some moments in the day to consciously relax your muscles, face and jaw. You can do this quite subtly without others having to know.

Children may naturally feel more relaxed with you if they sense your presence is relaxed and if not, at least you have given yourself a little self tending and awareness. Breathwork can be really helpful and no I'm not asking you to take a deep breath when you are deep in shame/ frustration (I don't think that works) but 5 minutes of breathwork in the morning or at points in the day can help regulate the nervous system. Join me in the new year when I will be running weekly breathwork and parental reflection sessions. Sign up to my newsletter to find out more.

Shame Proof Yourself

Parental shame at Christmas time can be huge. There can be big expectations on kids from relatives and if your children are finding Christmas hard it can bring a lot of feelings of shame. In order to shame proof yourself you can share expectations and let others know your plan. "Last year (name) found Christmas quite over stimulating so this year we are going to plan a few times in the day where we spend a bit of one on one time and I'm also not going to expect them to sit for the whole of the meal" if others have issues with your boundaries you can say "I see your concern but these are the choices I have made to meet my child's needs; please respect that".

If you are in shame the best thing you can do is move away with your child. Being watched compounds shame.

Movement

Some children really need to move in order to stay regulated and with the cold weather and darkness setting in and with lots of time indoors with elderly relatives some children can really struggle. With this in mind you can top load your day with movement- a work out video on youtube, a kitchen disco- and structure in some outside time. With young children a Christmas scavenger hunt can be a great way to get out of the house over the festive season count how many wreathes, chrismas trees, stars and snow men you can find on a walk.

Often we are asking something very developmentally innapropriate at christmas time. It goes like this: Children need to move, at christmas we keep them inside with elderly relatives and expect them to not move much. In order to meet their needs for movement they start jumping on the sofa or running into the tree. Then we feel shame and start to reprimand them… much easier just to meet the need in the first place.