8 Tips for The Impossible Juggle of WFH and Looking after a Sick Kid
So winter is coming and with it comes snot, temperatures, coughts, V and D… you name it, a kid at my kid’s school (aka the germ pit) probably has it right now. The trouble is, prior to covid if you had a sick kid you would simply not be able to physically go in to work so the expectation of you would be far less. Perhaps you might check a few emails, do a bit of work if they nap but that would probably be it. Since covid and the rise of the zoom meeting there seems to be this unwritten acceptance that if your child is ill and your job offers WFH you just keep on working as normal and it’s a hell of a lot to deal with… it can also bring back some panicky feelings from lockdown WFH.
If your child is the kind of ill where they are clinging to you thats rough, equally rough is if they are that annoying kind of ill where they have calpol and then they are back to normal bouncing off the walls but also clearly not well enough to go to school. It’s worth looking at the law on time off for dependents and also your companies policy to know where you stand. Discrimination against parents is also a thing, but your kids being sick is out of your control; it’s just a part of life it should not be something to be used against you.
Emily Hughes- Empowered Parent Coach
I am an Empowered Parenting Coach, I help parents who are struggling, to understand themselves and their kids better; essentially so they can have a nicer life! Because, if you are living in conflict and struggle with your kids then that’s a life less rich. Contact me today to see how parent coaching could work for you.
1) Advocate for your self and set boundaries and realistic expectations for yourself and work colleagues
Anger and frustration come when we have expectations and then something comes in the way of those expectations. When kids are sick we can give permission to ourselves to lower our expectations. Communicating these to other colleagues can be more challenging but could look a little like this. “I am looking after my sick child today so there may be interuptions during calls. I understand this may cause some frustration for you and things may not run smoothly. My plan today is to prioritise XYZ but, to clearly set expectations, I am unlikley to be able to achieve ABC and I intend to follow up on this on xyzday”.
It’s when we are in ambiguity over our expectations that we, and others, start to feel frustrated and out of control. It’s important when setting expectations like this you put in a little empathy for how they might be feeling in order to diffuse tensions. Setting out a plan helps to make it clear you have thought about this. We also don’t need to be overly apologetic, this is a part of life and a part of life that is out of our control when we apologise too much it makes it seem as if the situation is your fault. But your child being ill is not your fault sometimes life just gets in the way of our plans.
Of course if you child is really ill and needs you it’s really important that we advocate for them and yourself and look at the situation realistically- Can you feasibly look after a very sick kid and do a full days work? No you can’t. People at work may not understand this but you are only human and you can’t do everything.
If you struggle advocating for yourself and your kids contact me for a coaching session where we can focus on coaching you into confidence using techniques from Non Violent Communication.
2) If you have a Co- Parent decide ahead of time what will happen if a child is ill
According to the British journal for Family Medicine when it comes to caring for sick kids 72% of the time it is mothers that are taking the burden. There can be a lot of stigma for men in taking time off work but if anything is to change, men need to step up and advocate for themselves, their partners and their children. That statistic is the very definition of unfair.
Because its not just the logistical juggle of WFH and managing childcare its also the stress that comes on top of that. Deciding on the morning when everyone is stressed is tricky so if you can plan in advance what will happen the next time kids are ill and perhaps take turns or both WFH for the day if that’s possible.
3) Make a very clear visual time table of your day and use the language of story telling to explain to your child what the plan is
In your plan factor in some 10 minute "special time slots" where you will give your child your full attention and eye contact. Then explain the transition through story telling. "Now I have a meeting with Joe, did you know Joe has 3 teenage girls and he likes riding his bike just like you. Now in this call I need to use my concentrating ears and eyes, they need to be glued to the screen. After the call we can do some special time." Depending on the child’s age you could ask them “what’s your plan when I am on this call?”.
4) Take the fear factor out of illness through telling them a theraputic story of what's happening in their body
"A group of brave white blood cells are travelling around your body finding viruses and zapping them", “The calpol nurses are going round your body turning all the heat and pain dials down”
5) Manage guilt through some healthy self talk.
Often our guilt and reactivity occur when the reality infront of us doesn't match our expectation but when our kids are ill we have to lower our expectations and find some acceptance. Some healthy phrases might be: "Things are not going how I would like due to factors outside my control", "This is enough right now", "I am trying my hardest in a tough situation".
6) Indulgent bubble baths with unusual items such a colanders and tupperware boxes.
These can buy you a lot of time if you are willing to work supervising from a corridor near by. Put in unusual items, colanders, food colouring, tupperware boxes etc.
7) So obviously there is TV…
But the problem with TV is we can end up feeling guilty like we are frying our kids brains from 8 hours of TV. But not all TV is equal. Being mindful over what your child watches can help you manage feelings of guilt and frustration. When your TV choices align more with your values you feel less bad. So it could look a little like this. “Ok its going to be quite a lot of time watching TV today so lets figure it out. You can watch a movie of your choice and then you can pick a nature programme or documentary.” I’m guessing most parents feel a lot less triggered by their kids watching David Attenborough than they do by kids randomly watching junk on Youtube Kids. It’s important to give kids some choice but also set boundaries if there is going to be a lot of TV watching.
8) Take a TV break with audio stories.
You can set kids up under a cosy blanket with some headphones they can be near you and entertained. There’s something about the novelty of wearing my headphones that my kids always enjoy.
Above all else give yourself some Empathy, sick kids are tough, sick kids plus WFH if extra tough, expectations have to be lowered and that can be hard for a lot of people.
