Good Girl Conditioning is Holding you Back from Your Power and Stopping you From Being an Empowered Parent
Good girl conditioning sucks
You might be stuck in good girl conditioning if you were raised to be obedient, self-sacrificing, and always accommodating. Authoritarian parenting, religious and cultural beliefs and school can all contribute to this conditioning.
Good Girl Conditioning Allways Causes Suffering
People-Pleasing – Struggling to say no, fearing disappointing others, and overcommitting. Or fawning to appease others. Lets not underestimate how much effort and self abandonment it takes to do this.
Perfectionism – Feeling that nothing is ever good enough, leading to anxiety and burnout. Remember that perfection always buffers shame. Good girls don’t fail. And yet failure and imperfection are parts of being human.
Over-Responsibility – Feeling responsible for everyone's emotions and outcomes. This might result in a hypervigilant attitude to relationships. Feeling like you have to predict what others might think and change things in yourself or the environment to make this happen. It's exhausting. Reclaiming your power starts when we let other people be responsible for themselves.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries – Struggling to enforce limits with partners, family, and work. If you have trouble setting boundaries then its likely you are often going beyond your willingness and capacity. Reclaiming your power starts with asking “Am i willing to do this? And do I have capacity to do it?” If the answer is no then you sure as hell wont do it.
Fear of Conflict – Avoiding necessary confrontations, leading to internalising emotions resentment and stress.
Suppressed Anger- Its a common pattern that the child made to suppress their emotions becomes the adult who has fits of rage. Your anger was never bad.
Denying your Needs – Believing that expressing anger or personal desires is selfish or self indulgent because the good girl thinks of others instead of ourselves. But this leads to running on empty because we cannot pour from an empty cup.
Self-Worth Tied to Achievement & Service – Feeling only as valuable as what is done for others. You have always been worthy, whole and complete and good girl conditioning has robbed you of that belief.
Struggles with Authority Figures – Either feeling intimidated by them or seeking their approval. You are only free when you relinquish the need to get validation from your parents/ those in authority positions. Needing their validation robs you of your power.
Emotional Exhaustion – Taking on everyone else’s problems as personal responsibilities and feeling the guilt and shame of never feeling good enough.
Struggling to Delegate – Feeling like asking for help means failing as a mother. Taking on all the invisible labour and over functioning– Managing schedules, emotional well-being, and household tasks without acknowledgment.
The Independent Woman (aka the Good Girl 2.0 in disguise)
In the 80’s/ 90s we were given the idea that the opposite of the good girl is a girl boss/ a power woman. But this is actually just a good girl in nicer clothes still striving to prove her worth. Because the independent woman is still stuck in perfectionism proving how independent she is so whilst she seems empowered she's likely still doing many of the above just in a more confident guise. So whats the answer?
The Whole Woman
The whole woman is free. She is supported. She does not need to prove her worth because she knows she is inherently worthy. She is boundaried. She defers authority to herself but seeks counsel from others because she knows that people need people. She meets her needs/ expresses emotions freely.
Embody The Whole Woman by:
Practicing saying no without guilt.
Prioriting self-care as a necessity, not a luxury.
Setting firm boundaries in relationships.
Challenging perfectionism and embracing “good enough.”
Redefing self-worth beyond productivity and service you were always worthy just as you are
Teach children (especially daughters) to prioritize their own needs too.
