Taming the Morning Madness Children 2-11
Acceptance
The mornings are a little chaotic in nearly every household in the country. So if you are comparing your morning to some imaginary family where their children promptly and willingly dress, brush their teeth, eat breakfast and trot to the door with shoes on at 8 am ready and raring to go scrap that movie it doesn’t exist. If it does it would likely be a child who is either institutionalised in a household run like a military camp or a parent who is fawning and fearful of their parents.Of course we can have high expectations and aim for more flow less chaos but we also need to accept that the mornings are going to be a bit messy.
3 Reasons why the Mornings are Messy For Kids
Attachment- Children can experience an attachment void (feeling of separation from their safe adults) when they are asleep. We are the only mammalian species that does not sleep with our young. Obviously I'm not suggesting that you bring your 6 year old back into bed with you if they are in another room, but it’s important to realise the way we live is not aligned with the biology of our species (i.e. our early ancestors would all have slept in the same small space together).
Naturally when children wake up from an attachment void they yearn for attachment and connection and will stall and dawdle in order to get that attention from the parent in whatever way it comes (positive or negative). Children also know that they are about to embark on another attachment void (school or nursery) so stalling and dawdling are their attempts to get their attachment needs met. To meet these attachment needs we might factor in snuggles and cosiness wherever we can amidst out morning routines.
Sleepy/ grumpy/ hungry- Truth is some children (and Adults too!) just feel really wonky until about about 9 am.
Human beings are not hard wired for Timeliness- Timeliness is a modern construct. Our distant ancestors did not have watches they would meet at vague times- sun rise/ sun set. Of course it’s important to train children to be timely but accepting that timeliness is not innate it's not something our children naturally possess. Time is an abstract concept for kids so make it have meaning by sticking/ drawing on a cheap clock.
Parenting Responsibilities
In a two Parent household it can be useful to outline who is responsible for what if responsibilities are not clear then they often end up landing on one person or nobody does them and you end up late.
If that’s not possible or if you want to empower your kids you can play around with putting the child/ren in charge of this to do list and checking things off as you go perhaps on a chalk/ white board
Making it visual makes it real. Twinkle have lots of morning routine cards and first few downloads are free https://www.twinkl.co.uk/resource/t-c-122-visual-timetable--getting-ready-for-school---boys-
Responsibilities in the morning - Who is doing which role?
Waking Up
Morning Snuggle
Get Dressed
Breakfast
School bag
Shoes
Take to school
#1 Morning Parenting Strategy - “Only Ask Questions”
Why it works-
When you ask questions the prefrontal cortex (logic centre) of your brain fires up. When people are asked questions their prefrontal cortex fires. When the prefrontal cortex is online we function well
It helps you stay calm rather than nagging
It helps your children feel trusted and in control
It helps your children be independent without leaving them alone to struggle
It helps your children be aware of the time
It helps break down the different tasks that need to be done
It makes the morning tasks a shared priority
Example Questions
“What do we have left to do to prepare for school?”
“Have a look at the clock (with drawn lines on it) what do you notice?”
“I notice your shoes aren’t on- What is your plan for that?”
“Lick your teeth. Have they been brushed yet or not?”
“Where are your toothbrushes?”
“How much toothpaste do you need on your toothbrush?”
“I’m going to open the front door in 4 minutes. Do you have everything you need to go outside?”
Written by Emily Hughes
