Some startling statistics have been floating about in the news this week

41% of US parents are so stressed that they can’t function. 48% of parents surveyed also said their stress is “completely overwhelming”.US Surgeon General.

There is a similar picture in the UK In a survey last year for the United Nations Children’s Fund, 49% of parents of under-fours said they had felt overwhelmed all or a lot of the time in the past 12 months (43% felt anxious, 36% unsupported and 26% lonely).

I’ve really felt this in my life. When I was teaching and parenting I was in a constant high state of stress. Stress was where I lived and my parenting was highly reactive as a consequence. It’s been a stressful 6 months for me we have been renovating a house my son had two General Anaesthetic surgeries and I had a few days in July where I really resonated with the above I felt like I wasn't functioning I was having to lie down in a dark room to recalibrate. For me breathwork is my go to recalibration tool and with the clients that work with me we do simple breathwork or somatic exercises at the start of each session.

Why We get Stuck in Stress

We get stuck in stress primarily because our nervous systems are trying to protect us and keep us alive. Looking at it in this way is really helpful because it makes us look at our stuckness more benevolently. It goes a bit like this. When we are being given stress triggers our nervous system reacts to protect us it assumes we are in a survival situation so puts us into an activated state of fight/ flight. If we continue to receive stress triggers our body assumes that we are still in the survival situation so we need to be stressed in order to stay alive. By conscious breathing and mindful movement we give the nervous system safety. We communicate to it that we are not in a survival situation. We are safe and thus we begin to better manage our stress.

There are so many external factors that are contributing to this stress epidemic in parenting. Which ones do you resonate with?

• Worries for the state of the world- Conflict and Climate crisis

• Financial Stressors of childcare

• Work/ Home balance and then the kids get sick and it all blows up

• Pressure to “Bounce back” and “Do it all” 

• Expectations that you should be “doing it all” with your kids and fears that if you don’t you might be letting them down/ they might be behind

• Worries about screens and safety

• Co-parent conflict

• I also see a lack of confidence in a lot of parents and a confusion on parenting styles which adds a lot of stress

Unmanaged Parenting Stress Ultimately Leads to Parental Burnout

Some of the signs of parental burnout include:

• The phrases “I can’t do this” or “I’m failing” might dominate your thoughts

• Numbing out distancing from and avoiding your children.

• Using food, drugs or alcohol to numb

• Deep level of exhaustion, and low capacity

• Highly reactive

• Trouble sleeping

• Anxiety and Urgency

• Depression or not enjoying things you normally enjoy.

• Feeling isolated and like no one understands

• Responsibility feels overwhelming

• Physical muscular pain and stress headaches

• Not looking after yourself

• Obsessive compulsive behaviour

• Lacking in confidence and feeling like a failure.

• Finding decision-making and taking action harder than normal (brain fog).

If you are struggling with burnout here are some things that can help

• Parent coaching- a lot of my clients come to see me because they are strugiling with burnout. Coaching can help them get back on track

• Somatic therapy- Essentially somatic therapy is all about helping you feel more safe. Burnout happens when we don't feel safe for too long and it becomes overwhelming

• Breathwork- Calming and soothing to the nervous system

• Solidarity- Finding other parents who struggle in parenting